maybe its because im not in the best of mood today, that some stuff got me thinking
is it because i'll always tell you about my day, that you never have to ask me
is it because i'll always DM you, that you dont take the initiative to DM to update me anymore
why is it that im always the one texting and calling, yet not receiving any in return
i scrolled through my DM list, and realised i see more of my dp than yours.
you dont really ask me questions, im the one leading the conversation.
am i talking too much?
am i spamming you?
have i irritated you?
i hope not. if it does, please tell me.
because one of the main reasons why my previous relationship failed,
in my opinion,
is because of this. he havent been talking much or taking the initiative to talk to me. so i tried making up for it. turns out to be really one sided. it transformed into irritation, and then failure.
right now, im having mixed feelings.
feelings of fear. i dont want history to repeat itself. that fear of not knowing whats on your mind. that fear of failing. that fear of getting hurt the same way again.
on the other hand, i feel tired. i dont want to be the one leading the conversation or taking initiative to call/ text/ talk to you. the first time you texted me was yst. the first and last time you called and talked to me, was on the first week. im tired. i need to stop chasing. can you chase me instead?
yet, im afraid that once i pause and take a step back, you wouldnt take a step forward to cover up our gap. and that gap will get bigger and bigger. till when we try to chase each other, we will never succeed.
that. is what im most afraid of in a relationship. i dont want to cause any more wounds. im afraid of the pain. i feel like stopping the run, and walk carefully to prevent myself from falling over.
