all is not well...
i blame myself for what i am now. i blame myself for not being alert and tripping over that tree branch. the fall have gone deeper since. yes it was a good break and supposedly timing for me. that period was hell of a hectic life for me. datelines and submissions one after another. have never worked my ass so hard like this for a long time. i feel accomplished. but sacrifices were made... before, i could say my fitness was pretty alright. nothing fantastic, but i was still exercising regularly with track and yoga. i still had motivation and determination to push myself. to keep that level of fitness and maybe push harder to get rid of the most stubborn tummy on earth. im crushed to say, i've lost it. i know i so badly have to get myself to start running again. start exercising. start pushing myself harder. i can picture myself in the future being motivated and exercising more regularly than ever. but the reality is, my food intake is much higher than my exercise count. i would very much like to keep my head in the game. somehow, this small part inside me has given up, telling myself to keep the status quo. i definitely do not like the bulge there. if this keeps up, i know i'll definitely gain weight. its simple actually, i just have to put on my running shoes, head out, and things will start running then. this laziness and procrastination is killing me. i would like to say, i do not have time. im too busy with work. i can't get out of bed earlier. but i dare not say it out. for i myself know its a matter of priorities and how i juggle my time. went for hill training with yao yi 2 days back and i am greatly disappointed. the weeks of non-trainings had taken effect. felt so lousy, heavy and weak. it was certainly not my best. how then can i give my best? right now i am still searching for the motivation. that strong desire to starting whipping my body into shape. i have no idea how long this journey will take me and how will i accomplish it. for now, i just hope for that bit of motivation and that i can cling on it and tide through.
