Watched The Apprentice Asia and one of the contestants said somethings that really gets to me. She was on the elimination panel with 2 others, convincing the boss why she should not be fired. One of the contestants knew of her weakness and played it to his advantage. He nailed it right on the spot. The reason for her 'unwelcoming and insincere' expression was because if she does not put on up this front, she will crumble like how she is now. In the end, she really got fired for this reason.
When she left, she said
you can do everything right and perfect. But when you show someone your weakness, they will grab on to it. They will make you question all the things you have done so perfectly well. You will doubt yourself, and wonder if everything they say is really true.
I know that feeling so darn well. I cannot say that I am as confident of my abilities as I have been in the past. In the past, insecurities are present because I am unsure of my capabilities. Insecurities that I have now are because I am afraid of being a failure once more. I have done it, and know I suck at it. Or that's what people made me feel.
I know I'm stupid at times even though I know I'm clever. Which makes me question if I am really clever in the first place. Can one really be called stupid/naive due to the few things they have not done right or not get right. I feel like my whole being is surrendering to this stupidity. My intelligence, whee are thou.
